oh no, i have a very serious problem, with blackmail and the law.?

[Laura.x]

ok here it goes.. my life story.

My father was a horrible man and my mother has now divorced him.
wether or not he was my real father i do not know as he is not on any pictures i have of me as a young child (about 2 years old) but i do remember, however, that at the age of four he abused me on mutliple occassions.
My mother does not know this and like i said has divorced him. i grew up fine and his parents were lovely to me and come and see me and everything, i love them.
when i was 15 i got a boyfriend and i kind of told him about my father and he helped me out a lot. but i still havent told my family.

Unfortunateley, after a year and a half, i broke up with my boyfriend because of the way he treated me, and now hes saying that if i dont get back with him hes going to tell my mum everything. hes also going to say that i was raped, i used to do drugs and that i am a "slag".

My "dad" lives in australia now.
i dont want my mom to know anything, whats the point? im fine. my family is fine, and this is only going to cause trouble and hurt my mom and my grandparents and everyone else in my family.
Also my father will think that i said that he raped me. my mom will think i take drugs and my friends will think im a slag.
If my boyfriend did go to the police about my dad, could they bring him back to england and have him arrested? what happens if i say he made everything up to get back at me for breaking up with him?

please help me x
Or tell me if i should post this in a different category, if so, which one?

[lost]

you better tell your mom before he does

[Captain Cupcake]

Dear one, the boy friend is really a crud and you shouldn't be afraid of him. Tell him if he doesn't stop threatening you, you will report him to the police for abusing you (felony assault and rape if he did it without your consent and statutory rape if he is an adult and you aren't.).

In the mean time, you might as well tell your mom what your dad did. If you wait until your boy friend does it, then you will look bad to her. If you tell her first, he will no longer have the power of the "blackmail" and he will look like a crud coming to her after you have already told her. You should also report your dad to law enforcement authorities. What he did was wrong and he should be punished. You might have to work fast on it too. In the US, the statute of limitations says that your dad can't be prosecuted after seven years from the first report of it. If they have to transport your dad from another country, it may take some time to arrange it since they will have to petition the court there, etc. The clock is ticking and you can't let it run out if you want true justice for what has been done to you.

I wish for it to all work out for you. Rest assured that you aren't alone. Trust in your mom and she will take care of you.

[critical-virgo]

Right, first of all, your boyfriend cannot make a complaint about your dad to the police on your behalf and your dad will not be deported to the UK.

I'm the mum of a teenage daughter and I would be devastated if she felt unable to share such a terrible burden with me. The fact that you are so strong and balanced is a testament to the love of your family, and you can reinforce this to her. You may be surprised at what your family have sussed out about this ex-boyfriend and they will not believe him over you!

Telling your mum about the abuse will be hard, but do you think she would want you to suffer the kind of appalling behaviour your ex is exhibiting? No, she wouldn't! Yes, it will hurt everyone to know what happened, but there will be lots of help available to get you all through this.

Chances are that your ex is calling your bluff. He probably knows that no-one in your family would believe a word, and that the police wouldn't be able to act on anything he reported.

Most importantly, telling someone about the abuse will help you! You shouldn't carry this secret with you, however okay you feel, and your mum will want to be there for you.

Think about how you would go about telling her. Would you prefer to write her a letter, or perhaps sit down with her over a nice meal or a glass of wine? Would it be at home or maybe in the pub? Maybe even make a few notes on what you will say and how you'll open the conversation.

Your situation must seem very depressing, but this is only because you are allowing someone to have power over you. Talk to your mum, share your burden with her, and your ex will become the worthless, powerless piece of rubbish he really is. I wish you lots of luck.

[juvegirl]

I know you don't want to tell your mom, but you should. Why? because that removes the club your exbf is using to try and control you.

This is not a nice guy, which I think you realise. Your friends, if they are your friends, will not think you're a slag. Why would they believe him over their own impressions of you? Same with your mom. Just tell her that things happened, you told your exbf some of it, and now he's trying to force you to stay with him based on blackmail with lies.

You mom will most likely understand.

You should go to the police. Blackmail is a crime and it should be reported. This type of behaviour usually escalates. So now he's threatening, later, he could assault you. If the police have these things on record, you might be able to get a restraining order.

Finally, the police can extradict criminals from many countries depending on the crime and the laws of each country. I don't know for certain in your case. However, you exbf can't simply go to the police and tell them a story and they bring back your "dad". They would interview you and probably your mom, first. If you say it didn't happen, they may question you a couple of times, but they won't bring charges with no evidence, and with the victim denying the crime.

Seriously, you can't let this guy control you. Go to the police. Talk to your mom. And never talk to this guy again.

Good luck.

[Steve b]

ok, im gonna have to talk about this quite straight.
From a legal piont of view its your word against his, this will not stand up in court and has no legal standing what so ever, unless it comes from you!.
You could always just say hes lying...
This lad is an evil fucking bastard, get rid of him, and if he opens his mouth tell everyone he is and evil liar!
please dont go thinking every man is like that, they're not!

dont ever trust this person again, tell him to fuck off!!!!

if i had met him, i would have kicked his head in for this!

[chris n]

This boy is blackmailing you. Ring Childline and talk to a counsellor. I think they'll tell you to go to the police and which department to approach - they may even arrange to go with you. Explain that in telling the police you don't want your mother/grandparents to know about any of this and that you aren't going to press charges against your absent father but you DO need this kid to stop threatening you. They'll put the frighteners on him. No-one's going to think you are a slag or drug addict. Forget that. He's all talk and no do.....but talk to Childline first.