Mother-in-Law issues!?

[Loopy Loo]

Sorry folks but this might take some reading, but please bear with me!

I've been with my other half now for nearly 6 years, and in March this year found out I was pregnant with twins. I knew his mother was quite the control freak, however since this news she's gotten a lot worse!

Firstly she asks if we are to get married before they are born, we said we'd like to only due to timescales it probably wouldn't be possible. She then organises a small wedding within 3 weeks! I (stupidly) let her take charge of this, as i was trying not to get stressed about anything during pregnancy.

So with wedding over, she starts buying things for the babies. I get told one night quite sternly "you are not to buy any clothing for them for the first 6 months" she'd also bought lots of shampoos, lotions etc for them.

At this point i'm near tearing my hair out, as i wanted this experience to be something for me and my husband. However she's taking control over everything and telling us what to do and how to do it!

She the embarrasses us at a family wedding reception, by taking our wedding photos with her, and showing them to every table (even strangers!!)

The final straw was when a family friend was doing some DIY for us recently, he needed a key to our house whilst me and my husband were at work, so he could lock up before leaving. My mother-in-law insisted she do me a favour and take my door key to a shop to get a spare key cut for him. However it turns out that whilst she was there, she got a key cut for herself as well! She never asked me or told me about this, and i only found out when she mistakenly let slip about coming into my house whilst we were both at work and taking our dirty washing home with her, as well as "doing things that needed doing around the house" apparently!!

Lastly I found out that as soon as our babies are born, she intends to contact social services, because apparently to her i'm "nothing more than scum" and an unfit mother : (

I'm absolutely f***ing furious about all of this, but my husband just tells me to relax and ignore her. I've now stopped speaking to her and don't want her to see our babies when they are born. She's continuing to text my husband with instructions, for instance "ring your nanna!" and other crap and it really p***es me off!! I'm now 33 1/2 weeks pregnant and want to stop myself from getting so wound up by her!

In short, any advice on how to deal with this beast?! PLEASE HELP!

Thanks : ( xx

[Cloudy]

both you and your husband have to have a chat with her. let her know that although you thought she had good intentions, she is causing un needed stress. she had no right to make a key for herself and you should change the locks and let her know that taking things from someone elses' home without their knowledge is theft. as for social services, you really need to be unfit for them to take your children, and it has to be founded. let her know false allegations can and will get her into a mess of her own. you need to stop her now. put the brakes on and keep them there. let her know the stress she is causing can affect the children you are carrying. that this is your family and you will make all the decisions needed along with your husband. let her know you apprecu=iate her efforts but she has to get herself in control before the babies are born if she plans on being part of them.good luck

[coleblondehead]

I know its not funny but as im readyng and writing your answer im
watching this show Everybody loves raymond and your situation, the
mother is just the same, shes pregnant and the mother comes in
and washes the kids clothes, she comes in without knocking, you
have to take control of your home NOW!!, and you have to let your
husband how the situation is and how its going to be from now on, if
the kids arent even born yet and shes acting all nutty, can you imagine
how shell be acting once theyre born, youll never get her out of your
house, its an insult to you and your family, I would be furious with
my husband if he didntr support me, I think your husband knows
that your mom has issues, and tell him to ask his mom for the
keys, do you have keys to her house? That is so presumptious of
her, she will not be a good role model for your kids, its ok if she wants
to be a good grandma but you have the obligation to be there when
she visits and set up times when she can be over, make it very very
clear, theres boundaries that she has to respect. I know it might be
a little overwhelming for you right now, and dont let her get to you,
thats what she wants to make you out to be acting like a crazy
person. Dont give into her game. Believe me Ive been there.
She will always be against you, its very clear she already stated
what she thinks about you being unfit mother, how dare she you
havent even had those babies yes, she dont know sh#$%.
If she wont give back the key, just change the locks and dont give
spares to anybody. Make it crystal clear that if she wants to be
part of your family shes going to have to be respectful and respect
your life and wishes. I had the same problem with mother in law
she never liked me no matter how hard i tried, so I stopped tryuing
These kind of people/relatives are toxic relationships, they wont
change specially if theyre getting older, they want their way or
its the ighway. So take care and good luck!!!

[? Lady B]

I feel you. I have on of theme to. But not as bad as yours. I don't really know what to tell you, But hang in there. You are their mom and can say who can or can't see theme. Just tell her to back OFF or she want be a part of their lives. And tell your husband to tell her the same thing. OR SHE WANT LISTEN. At less my mother in-law want. Unless my husband tells her. He has to stand by you not by her. OR she will RUN your life.


HOPE EVERYTHING WORKS OUT.
CONGRATS on the babies =)
and GOOD LUCK

[LadyMoon]

Your husband needs to man up and tell his mother that he's a big boy now and doesn't need her interfering in his life!!!

My husband is a bit similar, he runs to his mother every time we have a row and she's said some really horrible things about me (as well as her mother - hubby's grandmother - who hates the ground I walk on and when I was pregnant said she hoped I lost the baby). In his case I find this a bit rich as hs mother wasn't a very good mum to him when he was a kid and actually threw him out of the house in favour of her new man when he was 19. Yet now he runs to her everytime something goes wrong.

I guess we're lucky that my MIL lives 200 miles away so we don't have a lot of contact with her

Don't let this psycho control-freak b*tch wind you up, it won't do you or the baby any good! This woman has serious mental issues, she obviously can't accept her son is grown up and independent and she needs to let him live his own life - she really needs to get a hobby or something.

Change the locks and have as little contact with her as possible. and make sure your hubby knows about her nasty threats to call social services.

[mom2ahkg]

Ouch! What a pain!!!! First, change the locks girl. You need to sit down w/ your hubby and talk from your heart. Tell him first that you appreciate the thought that your mom wants to help (even though it may be a lie), but that you HAVE to have control of your own life! That you are threatened and p'd w/ the fact that just b/c perhaps your house cleaning does not fit to her standards, does not mean that you will be a bad parent. That as a father and husband, he really should be backing you up on this. That you are very stressed and will only be more stressed when the babies arrive. You cannot deal w/ her, and your feeling of her trying to tear your family apart and in no certain terms can you relax about it and the threat (no matter how empty he thinks it is) of her trying to come between you and taking your babies. He should be the one to put a stop to it now and you should let him know that you expect it to stop so you all have a chance to repair the relationship.
I had MIL problems pretty bad (but not as bad as you) until I wrote her a strongly worded letter, being polite, but firm about my expectations, hurt feelings and thanking her for what she did, but to calm it down.
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I really hope things et better in this relationship real soon. If you want, click on my contact icon and update me.

Good luck